Taking some time to heal

>> Friday, August 11, 2006

I'm not one to give up on anything, nor am I one to say "die", but there comes a time when one realizes that it's time to throw in the towel. My new job did not work out, not because I didn't like the work, not because I wasn't learning and doing well, but because my boss was such an arrogant, impatient, abrasive and abusive jerk that I went to work every morning with knots in my stomach, and came home ill. I have been in such a state for the last two weeks that I have hardly been able to function. At first I thought it was me, and that I just needed to buck up and get with the program. He seemed great at first, but as time progressed I began to see a different side of him, and yesterday, when he flew into a thither over a minor mistake that one of the receptionists made, and then proceeded to rip the heads of every other staff member off and shit down our necks if we so much as looked in his direction, I knew that things in that place were not cool. I came home for lunch in tears and proceeded to announce to Steph that I could not take this any longer, and then I had myself a quiet little panic attack. My heart started pounding, I couldn't stop crying, I could hear the blood "whoosh" through my ears, I was nauseated, and I had a raging headache. Steph called Ville over at Express Personnel and told her that I was not going back in for the afternoon and explained why.

This morning, very early, I called in sick to Express Personnel. Today I plan to see the doctor to get a note telling them that I cannot continue at that job and why. It's not worth my health. Ville has already re-opened my files and is looking for a new job for me. In the meantime, we're doing well. We now have steady income coming in from Steph's web design work and at least for a couple of months we're going to be okay until Ville can find something else for me. And while she's looking, I'm going to take some time to help Steph with this current web project as well as do some healing things for myself, like finish this book about Mozart that I got for my birthday and learn to play my new guitar!

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