Happy Anniversary

Today Steph and I are celebrating the 7th anniversary of our Holy Union service, which was held at the College Hill Presbyterian Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma. We publicly acknowledged and celebrated our love and commitment to one another in the presence of those who understood that love is just that--love. Family who celebrated with us were my precious Aunt Pat, who although she didn't quite understand completely, opened her heart and accepted us, and my daughter, Lauren, whose loving and open spirit rejoiced with us in our happiness. The rest were some of our close friends and the supportive members of the College Hill congregation.

One day, when this country wakes up and realizes that love isn't about one's gender,(or perceived gender), and that people should be free to share their lives with whomever they choose to share them, then we will be legally married.

I adore you, Steph. You're everything I have ever wanted or needed.

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Reconciliation and Forgiveness

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.


Catherine Ponder

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House cat night

Last night was an unusual Thursday, one where I was actually able to come home and relax without the usual whir of activity--running here and there, etc. When I got home from work, I was greeted by Steph with a warm embrace and a kiss, as well as, "I missed you today". That warmed me all over. Then after I taught my Thursday voice lesson, I took a little snooze on the couch while Steph prepared the ingredients for "build-your-own-burrito" night for dinner. Steph and I then took our dinner upstairs to our room and watched the DVD of "Immortal Beloved", which I gave to her for her birthday, and lay on the bed together, like a couple of house cats, cuddling and purring. Afterwards, we continued to lay on the bed and listen to music and talk of our personal growth, our dreams, and our move to Vienna.

What a pleasant way to spend a Thursday night!

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I am not you

Most of my life has been spent in the pursuit of approval. From early childhood on, I so needed the approval of my family that I would do, say, and be anything that they dictated, even to the sacrifice of my own wants, desires, dreams, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. It has only been in the last seven to eight years that I have begun the journey of finding myself. It is a difficult process to begin recreating oneself at the age of 40, and now, at the age of 47, I find that there is still so much to create that it is a bit overwhelming at times. I found these words today that express exactly what I have thought and felt through this process.

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong. Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view. Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly. Or yet, if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be. I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants , or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you will open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right--for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me, you might come to prize my differences from you, and far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.

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At Last

At Last

At last, when all the summer shine
That warmed life's early hours is past,
Your loving fingers seek for mine
And hold them close—at last—at last!
Not oft the robin comes to build
Its nest upon the leafless bough
By autumn robbed, by winter chilled,—
But you, dear heart, you love me now.

Though there are shadows on my brow
And furrows on my cheek, in truth,—
The marks where Time's remorseless plough
Broke up the blooming sward of Youth,—
Though fled is every girlish grace
Might win or hold a lover's vow,
Despite my sad and faded face,
And darkened heart, you love me now!

I count no more my wasted tears;
They left no echo of their fall;
I mourn no more my lonesome years;
This blessed hour atones for all.
I fear not all that Time or Fate
May bring to burden heart or brow,—
Strong in the love that came so late,
Our souls shall keep it always now!

-by Elizabeth Akers Allen

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What is True Love?

The following is an answer that Steph gave to the question on a friend's blog, "Is true love when you pray for someone else more than you pray for yourself?" I felt Steph's answer was so outstanding that it bore repeating.

I don't think that love has anything to do with prayer at all. True love is hard to define, hard to recognize, and hard to maintain, and yet it's the easiest thing in the world–despite all this–when it's right. When you love, the other person's needs–both big and small, important and trivial–mean as much to you as your own, even when that's not easy. It is friendship first and foremost, shared goals secondly, romance thirdly, and sexual lastly.

Love is paradoxical: as the physical passions mellow, the spiritual/emotional/intellectual passions grow hot. Love is evolution, love is constant change, love is constant redefining, love is constant re-invention. If you want a blissful life with no challenges, no trials, and no sacrifice–especially on the deepest personal level of self-definition and personal self-awareness, then run away, because love is a furnace that fires your darkest, stoniest coals down to pure diamonds. And as I've learned personally, Great Love exacts a great price; it is not free and it is not a gift, it is something that is earned both by the individuals and by the couple.

Sound trite or cliche? Take it from someone who made a lot of mistakes looking for love, but was finally found by it at the age of 48. If you're impatient, you will make impatient choices.

One last cliche: you cannot look for love outside of yourself. You must find it within and then wait for your readied soul to draw the right person to you. The hunger for love should not be confused with the desire for marriage or for having children; it must exist in and of itself, and when you are ready for them, your soul mate will appear. No sooner and no later.

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