What does it all mean?

>> Wednesday, September 14, 2005

It is hard to believe that it has now been a week since we arrived home from Austria. In fact, our airplane was touching down on the runway in Oklahoma City about now. Steph and I have both run through the gamut of emotions since then, ranging from sheer fatigue driven depression, to euphoria and wonder. I have to admit that it is difficult leaving Austria and all the experiences there behind. I've said many times to several people that I found my soul in Vienna. Again, I can't go into the details here, but suffice it to say that there was one, singular moment where things began to change for me. From that point on, I would never be the same. Interesting too, that the photographs of me after that point reveal that my weight started to drop dramatically. It was as if my body realized that I no longer needed the extra padding for protection and what had taken place on the spiritual level began to manifest itself on the physical level. As Steph has said many times, "As above, so below." The physical body is only a reflection of the soul. (The difference was so dramatic, that when I returned to work my boss could hardly believe her eyes! In fact, a week later she's still talking about how much weight I lost and bragging about it to everyone she sees. She even had Liz take a new picture of me for the clinic website!)

I've yet to sort it all out, and perhaps I never will completely. But one thing I do know is that I'll never be the same. I can sense it deep down–there's a peace and tranquility that I've never experienced before. No more feelings of inadequacy, guilt, or anxiety. It was really interesting that this last Monday we had our first meeting of the season for Chamber Singers. Because we have a new conductor we were all required to re-audition, with no promises that the old people would be accepted back in. Everyone was pretty nervous about it. I have to admit that it was a bit unnerving as I've always hated auditions–especially those in which I'm required to sight sing. This was one of the toughest auditions I've ever been through, but to my amazement, I remained calm and I did VERY well. In fact, I would dare say it was probably the best audition I've ever given.

I'm not sure what life has for me down the road, but one thing I know for sure–nothing bad is still happening.

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