An anniversary of sorts

>> Saturday, October 1, 2005

his weekend, Steph and I are celebrating another anniversary. This is the 6th anniversary of our meeting face-to-face. Six years ago on the 30th, I flew out to California and then on Saturday the 1st, Steph hosted an 18th century soiree where I sang a mini-recital dressed as Anna Storace. Steph was dressed as Mozart with other guests dressed as various famous "dead people", and literary characters. It was on this weekend that I met Steph's friend, Karma, (who I now consider a dear friend as well), and several other people who have come to play an important role in my life. This was really one of the first in a series of events that have been played out throughout and have defined our relationship. However, this particular event was, for me, the point of no return. I knew that my life was about to take an exciting and tumultuous turn and that there was nothing I could do to change it. It was also then that Steph kissed me in the hallway just in front of the bedroom--a very similar kiss to the one that I received only recently in what was the bedroom of Constanze and Wolfgang Mozart in the Figarohaus in Vienna. It's hard to believe that was only six years ago--so much has happened since then!

On the Monday following the weekend, Steph took off of work in order that we might have some time alone together. (Steph was partnered at the time, but the relationship was in trouble–actually it always had been in trouble–just wasn't a good match.) I have very pleasant memories of our day together. We had lunch in an outdoor cafe, (Lisa, Steph's partner, joined us, uninvited), and Steph and I ended up having to sit across from one another at the the table. Later, Steph confessed to me that behind her mirrored sunglasses, when Lisa couldn't see, she would stare at me. She stared at my mouth and had fantasies about kissing me. After lunch we dropped Lisa off at the penthouse, (she quit her job that day–for what reason Steph never understood), and Steph, bound and determined that we would have some time alone together, took me downtown. We walked through the downtown shops, antique stores, and thrift stores that lined the quaint and artistic streets of this eccentric, coastal Southern California town. At one point Steph stopped and looking into my eyes said, "You're such pleasant company! Will you go steady with me?" I don't remember my response. I probably blushed. My whole being urged for her to take me into her arms and kiss me right then and there.

The next day, I flew home to Oklahoma. On the airplane I held the queue ribbon that Steph had sprayed with the cologne that he wore when he dressed as Mozart at the soiree, tightly in my hand. As I stared blankly out the window of the airplane, tears started to stream from my eyes. I held the ribbon up to my nose, taking in his essence and trying to relive that moment in the hallway when he took my face in his hands, drew my mouth towards his face and kissed me and then very flirtatiously poked the black satin ribbon into my exposed cleavage. I began to weep. I wept for the years that I had wasted with the wrong person. I wept for my children. I wept for my husband. I wept for my marriage. I wept for myself. I wept for the love that I thought I could never have. I wept at the thought of leaving the only one I had ever really loved behind, once again. My heart was breaking and I couldn't stop it from breaking. "What am I going to do? Where do we go from here? We can't just be friends now," I thought to myself.

Little did I know that I was about to embark on the greatest adventure of my life...

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