Music to soothe the weary soul

>> Saturday, March 11, 2006

I admit it, I'm tired. The last several months have been difficult what with the stress and worry of Steph being ill, financial worries & frustrations, the release of the film, and the simple stress of everyday living. Add to the mix that over the last two months I've been coming home from work exhausted and deflated, (busy days full of increased pressure and demands for productivity and little compensation or reward for the effort), only to find Steph's health and energy levels deteriorating to dangerous and scary proportions. My evenings now consist of carting kids to and from various activities, paying bills, going to the bank and making deposits, grocery shopping, putting gas in the car, cooking dinner, doing my laundry, and helping out with the house work. The kids have been great to help out, but there's only so much that they can do around their busy schedules.

Last night I was so exhausted that I asked the girls if they wouldn't mind cooking dinner. I just couldn't face it. Of course they were happy to do it and they did a great job. Then Nathan did the dishes and didn't complain. I went to our bedroom and lay down on the bed, weary, exhausted, and looking forward to going comatose for a while. I fell into a deep sleep and lay there until the girls knocked on the door to tell us that dinner was ready. Then just as I was getting up to go get something to eat, the phone rang. Nathan answered it upstairs. There was a pause and then I heard him come down the stairs, down the hallway to our room where I was sitting at the computer. He came in and said, "Mom that was Misty on the phone to tell you that you forgot about the protocol meeting tonight."

GODDAMMITSONOFABITCHMOTHERFUCKINGIAMSOSICKOFTHISHIT!

I didn't say that really. But I was most certainly thinking it as I drove to my place of work, (which I now have to go all the way around the OSU campus to get there and takes twice as long because they're widening the road in front of our housing complex and the street that I normally travel to get to work is blocked off). The meeting, thankfully, didn't last long and when I returned home, I changed into my pj's and plopped myself onto the bed and watched a program on the History Channel that Steph had already started to watch. Before long I fell into an exhausted sleep for the night.

This morning I awakened to the knowledge that there was little or nothing in the pantry or fridge for breakfast. The kids were already getting up because they are packing to go to their dad's for spring break and I knew that they were probably hungry, so I decided to throw on some clothes and drive to Panera Bread for one of their bagel packs and some of their flavored cream cheeses. It's a favorite around here and I thought it would be a nice treat for everyone. As I walked into the store, I could hear the music being played over the speakers and immediately recognized it as that of Mozart. In an instant the sound of the music, combined with the enticing aromas of fresh bread, bagels, pastries, and coffee overtook my senses. An elderly woman in line in front of me turned towards me and with a sweet smile and a soft voice said, "I just love coming in here! It smells so good!" I stood for several minutes in front of the pastry counter and took it all in, letting the music and soothing aromas bathe over me. Suddenly the weariness was gone. My whole attitude and outlook changed in an instant and I was nearly overcome with emotion. I placed my order and paid for it and as I headed towards the door, an older gentleman, seeing that my hands were full, smiled and opened the heavy door for me. As I thanked him, he tipped his hat and said, "You're most welcome, Ma'am".

I returned home with my package to find my kids eagerly awaiting my return. I made some coffee, toasted a sesame seed bagel, and slathered it with sun dried tomato cream cheese, poured a cup of coffee and sat down at the bar with my daughter and discussed Jane Austen and Charles Dickens, (yes, I really do have teens who love to discuss literature).

It's going to be a good day.

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