There have been many days in the last several years when I have felt the sense of sadness and futility that is expressed by Pamina in her aria, Ach, ich Fühls, (not because of love loss, Steph's and my relationship is still wonderful--it's life that is kicking us), but none as much as I do today.
So now that you've incited your lunatic fringe extremist supporters to fear and violence, you decide you want to recant and change the rules of the game?
OK, Senator McCain, THAT'S ENOUGH! We've had it! This has gone way beyond political mud slinging and is now getting dangerous! We've had it with your slander, your hate mongering, your contempt, your thinly-veiled racist slurs, half-truths & accusations, and your inciting your support to voice violent words against your opponent. These are volatile and frightening times for the American people and now you prey upon those fears and capitalize upon them by using them against Senator Obama, which in turn places him and his family in grave danger.
THIS is not how we behave in America. We went through a bloody civil war over this. We fought Nazi fascism in World War II over this. We went through the civil rights movement and saw the assassinations of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Bobby Kennedy because of hatred like this, and after all we've come through and all we've seen we ARE NOT going to accept this kind of reprehensible behavior from a man who is asking us to place our trust in him as our next president!
This is not only an affront to the good Senator at whom this poison is being hurled, but an expression of disrespect and contempt for the American people. And you, Senator McCain, should be ashamed!
Have you ever had one of those days? months? years? Mind you, I'm not complaining. In fact, I remain amazingly optimistic after the month that we've had. It's just sometimes I have to let off a little steam.
This month, thus far, has presented the following challenges:
1. My most faithful and loyal voice student has been out for the entire month because she had a baby. I had significant income loss as a result.
2. My youngest student, whom I teach in her home, has been out the entire month due to illness, (both hers and mine), and the fact that their living room is being remodeled, (and that's where the piano is). More significant income loss.
3. My newest, (and probably most talented), student has been out the entire month due to illness. Yet more significant income loss.
4. The kids' Dad, thinking he had mailed the child support check, realized that he hadn't because it had slipped between the seats of his car. (Not blaming him, he really thought he had mailed it.) The check was late and my bank account was overdrawn, resulting in a $22 overdraft charge. (Thankfully I have overdraft protection. My bank makes good on it, but charges me for it.)
5. Steph receives a monthly annuity check from an account that her now deceased uncle set up several years ago. Because he is now deceased, the check continues to come to us but we can't deposit it into our bank directly. We have to send it to our attorney who takes his fee out of it, deposits it in Steph's trust account and then drafts a check from that account. This month the check didn't arrive. Finally, after it was about a week overdue, Steph called our lawyer, who in turn, called Morgan Stanley to learn that they had "forgotten" to cut the check. As of last Friday they were going to cut the check and put it in the mail that afternoon. The check still hasn't arrived. I had to pay the bills anyway. My bank account has been overdrawn several times over. I now have about $120 in overdraft charges...and counting. I don't get my paycheck from work until tomorrow, and then I won't be able to deposit it until after I get off work. More charges will probably come through before I can get my check deposited.
6. If you read my earlier entry, you learned that the Bradford Pear trees are prolific this year, causing me much distress resulting in a nasty case of bronchitis that teetered on pneumonia. I was out of work two days. I don't have sick leave. More significant income loss.
7. Early this morning Steph and Joel left for California, where Joel is treating Steph to a nostalgic trip to Disneyland. He has been planning this trip for months and paid for it out of his own money. Micah drove them to the airport in our on-its-last-legs Ford Contour,(against my better instincts), which we have been praying would make it through until we can get into a better financial position to buy another one. The car broke down and died in Guthrie. Steph and Joel had to take a cab to the airport in Oklahoma City, and Joel paid for a cab for Micah to return home. I have a van that is old, but in good shape but won't start due to some electrical issues involving the security system and the starter. It has been sitting in the garage for several months waiting for me to get my tax refunds back so that I can have it towed to the garage and repaired. In the meantime we are going to have to use Micah's truck to get Heather to school and me to work and the car is stuck in a Love's station parking lot in Guthrie until after Steph and Joel return from California.
8. I just learned today, when inquiring with the IRS regarding the status of my tax refund, that they are withholding it because they don't have record of my 2004 returns! I was told by my accountant that I didn't make enough money in 2004 to file a tax return, (I only worked part of the year because I was in graduate school). Apparently he was wrong. That means more delays until I have money in my bank account to purchase the 2004 edition of TaxAct. (It's only $12.95, but remember, I'm in the hole right now.)
Someone shoot me!
Bradford Pear trees...some of the most lovely blooming trees around and Stillwater is literally covered with them. But unfortunately for me, they equal allergies and asthma. Once again, I've been struck down with the curse, after I had been doing so well, too. I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon because I literally cannot breathe.
Argh!
UPDATE
I just returned from the doctor who said that I have bronchitis that is teetering on the edge of pneumonia. She gave me some high-powered antibiotics, an Advair inhaler, and and told me to go home and rest.
3/25/08 A.M.
I awakened after a better night's sleep than I have had in a few days. My breathing is better, although still a bit labored and shallow. I didn't go to work this morning, but I'm hoping that after another dose of my antibiotic that I'll be ready to go back tomorrow. Steph has been very sweet and attentive, setting the vaporizer up on my side of the bed and taking Heather to work and picking her up so that I could rest. It's the little things that aren't so little that mean so much!
The Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution states:
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
I just found out yesterday, that my daughter, Heather, was subject to a mandatory random drug test at school the other day. At the beginning of the school year I had to sign permission for Heather to be randomly tested in order for her to be able to participate in the Pioneer Chorale. I did so, but only under protest because I felt it was a violation of the 4th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution which governs unwarranted search of person or property without probable cause. When I found out that they tested her on Monday, I was pissed, and even though I had signed the permission slip, (I had to or Heather couldn't be in the Chorale), I decided that I was going to lodge a larger protest than the one I made when I signed the slip. The following is a letter that I typed to Heather's principal and to the director of the Chorale:
Dear Mr. ******,
My name is Lynette ***** and my daughter, Heather ******, is a senior at Stillwater High School. My purpose in writing this letter to you is to register my protest of Heather's recently being subject to a random drug test, which I believe to be in clear violation of Heather's 4th Amendment Constitutional rights. I understand that in order for Heather to participate in the Pioneer Chorale that I had to sign permission authorizing the school to test her, which I did under protest. As a citizen of this nation, state, and community I feel that it is not only my right, but my obligation to protest an action by an agency of those governments that are sworn to honor and uphold my Constitutional rights.
Enclosed you will find two articles which support my protest, and outline in a very clear and concise manner the opinions that I share with the authors on the subject of random drug testing and why it is not only ineffective in deterring drug use among children, but is also a violation of our children's Constitutional rights. I ask and encourage you to read them and take them into consideration.
Respectfully,
K. Lynette *****
Below you will find Links to the articles mentioned in my letter:
School Drug Testing Violates Rights
Blowing Smoke: Why Random Drug Testing Doesn't Reduce Student Drug Use
My daughter is an outstanding student and citizen with absolutely no record as a trouble-maker at school or a police record. She has given no "probable cause" to have her person searched, nor was there a warrant issued. Is this not clearly a violation of her 4th Amendment rights?
This is scary stuff, folks.
I’m not sure why you have decided that after four years of having no contact with my children that it was necessary or even appropriate for you to do so. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, I believe that you have a DHS order prohibiting you from any contact with them. But, since Lauren is no longer a minor, I guess you thought that she was once again, fair game.
Pathetic really, that a forty-some-year-old woman would find it necessary and/or amusing to continue to harass and abuse a 19-year-old girl who has done nothing but move on with her life, (after enduring four years of abuse from you), and put herself on the road to success and happiness. It speaks loudly to the kind of person you are and to the fact that after all the experiences of the past and all the abuse that my children endured at your hand, you’ve done nothing to rehabilitate yourself, nor have you learned a thing. It speaks even more loudly of Lauren, 
who through the strength of her character, has endured, persevered, moved-past, and conquered the abuse you so cruelly wielded in her direction for four years, and has grown into a beautiful, intelligent, courageous, compassionate, loving, and successful young woman. Lauren graduated with a 4.0 GPA, with top honors from her high school, last May, and is now a foreign exchange student with Rotary International in Brittany, France. After she returns home in June she will begin college at the University of Oklahoma where she will double major in French and Spanish with a goal towards a career in the field of International Relations and/or International Business. The fact that you find it necessary to seek her out and attack her on her weblog, when she has done nothing to you only brings to light how pathetic an individual you really are, as well as exposes your jealousy of her, and points directly back at you.
You know, I really never received the opportunity to tell you exactly what I think of you after you abused my children and verbally assassinated the characters of my partner and her son. The damage you did to my family was extensive and the wounds deep. Fortunately, in the nearly four years since my children have been back with me, much healing has taken place, and the damage you inflicted has been repaired, albeit the scars remain. Your manipulations, lies, emotional & physical abuse, fear tactics, and verbal attacks nearly did them in, and it is beyond me how they held up underneath it all. Again, it is a testimony to their character, and to the raising they had before they were exposed to you. I fully understand that what you did was done out of your own pain and abusive past, but it is beyond me how you could be so self-centered and turned-in not to realize that inflicting abuse on others because you were abused is not an acceptable way of dealing with your own pain. In fact, I know you know it’s not ok. But you did it anyway, and that, quite frankly is inexcusable. So no, I will not let you off the hook here by allowing you to plead innocent because you’re an abuse victim yourself. You’re an adult and have been for a long time now, and it’s time for you to grow up and deal with your past, be accountable for your own actions and quit abusing those around you. Get help, Kathy. You need it badly, and god knows your children need it.
I close this with a warning that if you continue to stalk and harass any of my three children on the web, I will not hesitate to inform DHS, for two of my children are still minors. And I will also remind you that internet stalking is a crime, and I will not hesitate to prosecute you accordingly.
Go now, and get the help you need.
It seems that 90% of all the phone calls that I've answered today have had a complete idiot on the other end.
This is a response to a review of Mozartballs that I found on Amazon.com where Steph and I were referred to as two "plain" women seeking their fifteen minutes of fame. It has now appeared above hers, on Amazon.com.
As a member of the cast of this film, and one of the “plain women” who has enlivened my “dull” life by “writing herself into Mozart history”, I feel compelled to respond.
Although, for obvious reasons, I can’t give this film a completely objective review, what the previous reviewer failed to mention is that they are biased by the fact that they are well acquainted with the two plain women to whom they attach the motive for being in this film as that of seeking after our fifteen minutes of fame. I refuse to defend myself, my motives, my beliefs, or this film. They are what they are and the film is what it is, and only those who choose to experience this film with an open heart and an open mind will truly get its message. There will be those who scoff for various and sundry reasons. That is to be expected. Believe me, we weighed that fact very heavily before we ever agreed to be in it, but the accusation that we sold ourselves out for “fifteen minutes of fame” is rather judgmental indeed, and speaks more of the accuser than those who are accused. I would hardly risk my reputation and credibility, nor would I place my family and my children in a position where they could be embarrassed and humiliated for such a shallow and selfish motive. My motives came from a much deeper, even spiritual place inside of me, and for another to believe that they have the right or even ability to judge my motives, especially someone who doesn’t know me, (except for what they have encountered of me over the internet), is rather insulting.
I will say that Mozartballs was, for me, more about the experience than the final product, and it will go down in the annals of my history as probably the single most life-changing event of my entire life. What you see captured briefly in this film is only a fraction of what took place. It would be impossible for the writer, director, and editors to put into a film, even twice its length, what was seen, felt, and experienced by each and every member of the Mozartballs cast and crew. Larry Weinstein did a brilliant job, in my humble opinion, of presenting each person’s story without interjecting his own personal judgment or bias, letting the film speak for itself, and the viewer to come to his/her own conclusions regarding each character and their story. It is the intelligent and wise viewer who will dive into this film, quirky as it is, reserve judgment of its participants and their eccentricities, and look for how and why Mozart and his music and life has profoundly affected them.
In the end, I will quote Herr Rich, (the melancholy but delightful Swiss school teacher who was also featured in this film), “The world would be a better place if there were a few more nut cases in it.” That, to me, sums up the entire essence of what Mozartballs is about, and how, if we will but search a little deeper into ourselves, each of us would find our own quirky eccentricities and outrageous beliefs, and learn to celebrate them and allow them to shine forth rather than fearfully hide them from a world that is desperately searching for less conformity and more eccentricity. I know of no better way to celebrate the memory of the composer, who more than any other composer in history, bucked and defied the established system, was well-known for his eccentricities, and lived his life in such an outrageous and flamboyant fashion. Many of Mozart’s peers believed him to be a “nut”. Go ahead. Call me a nut case. I stand with an illustrious company.
The following post is one I posted on my MySpace blog back in April. I thought, in light of Steph's recent entry, "Where's the Irish Mafia When You Need Them?", it would be appropriate for me to post this here.
Tonight as I was driving home from my Chamber Singers rehearsal, (listening to a favorite CD of Mozart arias on the stereo), I stopped at the corner of Hall of Fame and Duck, right on the OSU campus. In the lane next to me, sitting at the stop light was a young college guy in a white sports car, windows rolled down and his loud, offensive, BANG! BANG! BANG! rap noise, accosting the ear drums of his fellow motorists. I have always found it rude and offensive when one of these idiots decides that he must share his "music" with the rest of us whether we have invited him to do so or not. I have no beef with those who enjoy listening to rap--it's definitely not on my play list--but to each his own. However, I get just a little miffed when I am rudely assaulted in such a manner as I have described above.
So this time I decided to give him a little back. Without really thinking, I hit the button and rolled down my front windows and reached over to the volume control, cranked it all the way to the top, and the glorious sounds of a rich, full-bodied mezzo-soprano singing "Voi che sapete" filled the air. In an instant the guy's head turned in the direction of the sound flooding out of my car and his mouth dropped open. He just starred at me for a moment, a gaping hole in his face, in complete shock. I'm sure he'd probably never heard anything like it before, nor did he expect to hear anything like it streaming out the window of the car sitting next to his in traffic.
Listen to this magnificent performance of the final movement of Beethoven's 9th Symphony, celebrating the brotherhood of mankind, considered one of the greatest masterpieces ever composed, and then think of it being used to sell Sloppy Joe sauce, (Hunt's Manwich to be exact), and tell me that marketing and commercialism, not to mention American kitsch, isn't obscene.
For those of you who know the story of Mozart's The Magic Flute, this post will probably make sense to you. I am at a point in my life when I am feeling a bit like Pamina when she sits herself down and begins to sing, Ach! Ich fühls est ist verschwunden!
I'm weary. I'm tired of working a dead-end, go-nowhere job that doesn't pay shit, working to build somebody else's dream and not appreciated for it. I'm sick to death of living on a shoestring budget and not being able to provide for my children in the way that they really need.
I'm fucking tired of always having the rug pulled out from underneath me, just as I'm feeling as if I'm finally gaining some footing. I'm tired of knowing that there is something else out there that I'm supposed to do and accomplish, but I can't ever seem to get there because the path to it is endless. What the fuck is going on here?
A copy of the following letter to the makers of Kotex feminine products was posted in the bathroom of my workplace the other day. I found of copy of it online and couldn't resist posting it. In my current state of bronchial irritation, I nearly died of a coughing fit from laughter. This woman said it in a way that most women probably would if they had thought of it.
Dear Kotex,Read more...
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning pair of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait here. While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I guaran-damn-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.
- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products.
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, most containing alcohol.
Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand. Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and chocolates. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the dammed store. The ultimate goal of your product should be functional invisibility at every stage, including the point of purchase. So take your tips for living and shove them up your ass. (Try drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while you're doing it!)
Ovarily Yours
Miss PMS
I admit it, I'm tired. The last several months have been difficult what with the stress and worry of Steph being ill, financial worries & frustrations, the release of the film, and the simple stress of everyday living. Add to the mix that over the last two months I've been coming home from work exhausted and deflated, (busy days full of increased pressure and demands for productivity and little compensation or reward for the effort), only to find Steph's health and energy levels deteriorating to dangerous and scary proportions. My evenings now consist of carting kids to and from various activities, paying bills, going to the bank and making deposits, grocery shopping, putting gas in the car, cooking dinner, doing my laundry, and helping out with the house work. The kids have been great to help out, but there's only so much that they can do around their busy schedules.
Last night I was so exhausted that I asked the girls if they wouldn't mind cooking dinner. I just couldn't face it. Of course they were happy to do it and they did a great job. Then Nathan did the dishes and didn't complain. I went to our bedroom and lay down on the bed, weary, exhausted, and looking forward to going comatose for a while. I fell into a deep sleep and lay there until the girls knocked on the door to tell us that dinner was ready. Then just as I was getting up to go get something to eat, the phone rang. Nathan answered it upstairs. There was a pause and then I heard him come down the stairs, down the hallway to our room where I was sitting at the computer. He came in and said, "Mom that was Misty on the phone to tell you that you forgot about the protocol meeting tonight."
GODDAMMITSONOFABITCHMOTHERFUCKINGIAMSOSICKOFTHISHIT!
I didn't say that really. But I was most certainly thinking it as I drove to my place of work, (which I now have to go all the way around the OSU campus to get there and takes twice as long because they're widening the road in front of our housing complex and the street that I normally travel to get to work is blocked off). The meeting, thankfully, didn't last long and when I returned home, I changed into my pj's and plopped myself onto the bed and watched a program on the History Channel that Steph had already started to watch. Before long I fell into an exhausted sleep for the night.
This morning I awakened to the knowledge that there was little or nothing in the pantry or fridge for breakfast. The kids were already getting up because they are packing to go to their dad's for spring break and I knew that they were probably hungry, so I decided to throw on some clothes and drive to Panera Bread for one of their bagel packs and some of their flavored cream cheeses. It's a favorite around here and I thought it would be a nice treat for everyone. As I walked into the store, I could hear the music being played over the speakers and immediately recognized it as that of Mozart. In an instant the sound of the music, combined with the enticing aromas of fresh bread, bagels, pastries, and coffee overtook my senses. An elderly woman in line in front of me turned towards me and with a sweet smile and a soft voice said, "I just love coming in here! It smells so good!" I stood for several minutes in front of the pastry counter and took it all in, letting the music and soothing aromas bathe over me. Suddenly the weariness was gone. My whole attitude and outlook changed in an instant and I was nearly overcome with emotion. I placed my order and paid for it and as I headed towards the door, an older gentleman, seeing that my hands were full, smiled and opened the heavy door for me. As I thanked him, he tipped his hat and said, "You're most welcome, Ma'am".
I returned home with my package to find my kids eagerly awaiting my return. I made some coffee, toasted a sesame seed bagel, and slathered it with sun dried tomato cream cheese, poured a cup of coffee and sat down at the bar with my daughter and discussed Jane Austen and Charles Dickens, (yes, I really do have teens who love to discuss literature).
It's going to be a good day.
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| Lynette Erwin |
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